Embarrassment And Assumption That Only Silly People Do All This!

Lovely reader,
Welcome to the part 2 .. to refresh your memory we are looking into Leela’s story and discussing Tracking, all month long.
This habit of tracking is by far the most useful habit one can develop if you’re looking to get results of some significance. If you want to get better at saving money, you’ve gotta track your spending. If you’re looking improve your running speed, you must track your practice runs. You get the point, right!
Even though you may be nodding your head in agreement with me on all that I’m saying, it doesn’t mean you’d willingly do it if you need to. And this is what I want to talk about today, {!firstname_fix}.
What the hell ya G – this is so silly!
This is a standard response when I ask people to please write down everything they are putting in their mouth. And in Leela’s case the ask was even bigger – we had to get crystal clear about what foods she had access to in her kitchen because her results were not matching her report of what she was eating.
For example, you may reluctantly say ‘I had bread’ – and I’ll need so much more information than just this – such as,
‘did you eat it with jam?’
‘what does the jam contain?’
‘how many slices of bread and how much jam?’
For many women, it is very very embarrassing to see it for themselves in detail, all that they are eating. So, they shut down and deliberately turn a blind eye to this side of things.
Did you know this about Japanese train drivers and conductors?
I had to share many examples of tracking and how it is used world over – by regular,  fully-functional smart adults – so that Leela would feel comforted and stop feeling small.
 So, for over 100 years Japanese train drivers and conductors have been using a specific type of tracking method called pointing and calling.
If they have to make sure railway platform is clear for example, the conductor will look to his right, point his hand to right, then turn and look to his left, point his hand to left and say okay. This is the procedure to turn a switch on or off, stop or take off to a signal and every other possible move.
Does it all look and feel silly? Well, perhaps it does to some people. But what truly matters is that it cuts down the risk of errors by a whopping 88 per cent! Now what do you think?
Now, every reader, every client that comes to me sees me as straight speaking and compassionate. So, every blog post is written in the same vein .. with a clear intention to make you aware.
Well, here’s list of things in Leela’s pantry that had failed to make it to the list. She had truly believed that these “once-in-a-way” items did not matter at all. And anything coconut oil, millet or bitter gourd is by default believed to be “healthy”. Take a look!
jam – 3 varieties

marmalade – 1
chundha – 2 varieties
amla morabba
sesame oil – for idli dose
sunflower oil – for tadka
groundnut oil – for mixed rice
coconut oil – for good fat
mango pickle
lemon pickle
avakai pickle
mango garlic pickle
lemon ginger pickle
gongura pickle
amla pickle
tomato pickle
coriander thokku
tamarind thokku
sesame chutney powder
curry leaf chutney powder
molagai podi
groundnut chutney powder
noodles
macaroni
sevai
rava idli mix
ragi dosa mix
sev mixture
diet chakli (made with coconut oil = “good fat” therefore the “diet” tag)
diet muruku (same as above)
ketchup
pav bhaji masala
dhabeli masala
biscuits for tea
cream biscuits to snack
digestive biscuits
condensed milk
millet thattai
bitter gourd chips

 

A Topic So Important That I Want To Write About It All Year!

Hi lovely reader!

Welcome to July! Half the year is already behind us, huh?!

Another way to look at it is – half the year is still ahead of us, for all that we’ve planned to accomplish before 2019 ends.

So, how do you do it?

I don’t know if you’ve ever used this magic habit – tracking.

Common habit of the successful folks

I’ve taken courses and studied a variety of topics under some really uber cool people like Ramit Sethi, Todd Herman, Marie Forleo, Amy Porterfield  and so many more .. tracking IS NOT OPTIONAL when you work/learn with these folks.

I can CONFIDENTLY say this one thing I learnt, my friend – NOT tracking your progress is a serious mistake – whether it is with food, weight loss, money, dating – whatever it may be, that you are trying to get better at, you.must.track!

Struggle #1 that everyone deals with

For all this month of July, let’s take the example of one of my wonderful clients who goes by the fictitious name of Leela and I’ll guide you to learn some key lessons in tracking.

If you remember her story from last week, life put her in a situation where she had to make a 180 degree turn with respect to food. And we had budget constraints for whatever we were going to do, especially because of the heavy medical expenses she was taking care of.

So, I asked her to please give me a list of A-L-L the edible items currently in her kitchen. Oh my goodness – the struggle #1 showed up like crazy: DENIAL. After much back and forth, and immense resistance she sent me this ‘sterile’ list – now looking back, even she laughs about it!

This is what denial looks like

Next week when I share with you all that she DID NOT include in the list, you will see even more clearly what denial was all about 🙂

But for now, see the list she sent – she even sent the prices of things (I had never asked for it!) .. this is how we all distract ourselves 🙂

rice –  120 x 15

idli rice – 115 x 4

t dhal – 180 x 6

u dhal – 180 x 6

g gram – 185 x 1

c dhal – 145 x 1

g nut – 140 / 0.5 kg

kabuli c 140/0.5

To be continued.

Mastering Food Budget – A Client Story

I’ve a story for you today! Grab a chair have a read … the aha moment is just beautiful.

Background:

This client of mine, let’s call her Leela. She lives with her husband and two kids and two sets of parents just steps away from her own place. A young mother herself, she was doing a fabulous job of being there for the two sets of elderly parents, balancing the social dynamics and all with admirable poise. Every now and then, she would think of buying this or that as a way of adding to her convenience – for instance, chopped onions, peeled garlic or washed cauliflower ready to use – and she would say – ‘oh this, I can’t fit in Girija .. it costs extra and it adds up’

Crisis:

And then, some health issue flared up requiring her to reconsider anything and everything she would put in her mouth. With this, her fastidious attention to balancing their family budget took a new level of intensity.

Silver lining:

This happens with every single one of us.

Think back to the times when –

you have just 30 days to go before the exam, and you have that many chapters in this many subjects to revise .. when you feel you are already resourceful, and you are faced with constraints – you learn a whole new way of looking at things. That is to say, your definition of resourcefulness goes up by a few notches! This exact thing happened with Leela, too.

Crescendo:

Suddenly the situation was that, she had to eat organic veggies and fruits as much as she could. She had to switch to non dairy milk and curd. She had to bring in outside help for the kitchen. And she just had to stretch that budget and make it work! The health issues have a way of bringing urgency like nothing else does, in life.

Teaching moment:

Leela is one of the most intelligent and sensitive people I know. I just have to hint at something and she gets super creative and goes to town with it all by herself!

I remember sharing a leaf off of my own life and saying, “Leela, I became friends with one really wealthy lady at my art class. Those were the days just after my wedding and everything about running the house was new to me.

My friend and I were window shopping and it was 2nd or 3rd of July as I remember it. And there were attractive sales everywhere we looked. She finally picked up a beautiful vase and had the florist next door put together the MOST amazing bouquet using some of the best blossoms. It looked HEAVENLY.

And she had quietly said to me – the best part is that it is totally guilt free spending. I had gotten curious about what she meant and asked. That chat with her that followed my asking, profoundly changed my life.”

Changes I made following that chat with my wealthy friend:

When the salary comes in – set it up such that savings portion is taken away even before I can lay my hand on the spending portion of the money.

When I sit for breakfast – I finish eating my day’s quota of vegetables before I put anything else in my mouth.

When we go out to eat – I tell them to box away half the amount in the take away box even before they bring my other half to eat.

When I wake up – I make the bed and fold the blankets so that I’m not tempted to back and curl up again.

So different compared to what I had seen and known:

I had only seen people do it the opposite way – at 7 pm in the evening, they’d remember how they haven’t had water all day and guzzle a whole jug. Half way through dinner, they’d remember salad and eat some – begrudgingly. Exercising, money saving, doing homework in time – almost always was some version of ‘oh-I-should-have’

Aha moment:

After listening my own story, she instantly identified what she could do differently and she chuckled – “aiyyo Giri, I am buying cream biscuits and namkeens ahead of buying rice and vegetables!”

Leela has promised to send in her new take on the family budget and I’ll be sure to share it with you, {!firstname_fix}! She has done a stellar job of it.

And for you my friend, my reminder is this: pay yourself first – whether it is time, money, love or energy – first pay for what matters to you, don’t ever make it an afterthought.

Love,
g

The Math Of Weight Gain And Weight Loss

A friend set me up to hang out with four of her friends! It’s usually the same group of four or five of us women. We get together and we chat – given that each of us is involved in a different area of work there’s so much to banter about.

But one of them wanted to shake things up a little bit and came up with this fun idea – and that’s how I got to hang out with four new ladies that are friends of my friend 🙂 And I had to share something impactful about my area of expertise in five minutes or under.

This is what I gave –

“On an average, most women I speak to have some variation of this story … they share how they have gradually gained about 18-20 kilos in like, 20 years. And most of them tell me how unnoticeable it all was – as in, they felt the change only when they had to get into a blouse that was bought 5 or 10 years ago or some situation like that. Otherwise, they felt no change from month to month. Or even year to year!”

They were like – ‘how the hell do you know my story, were you eavesdropping on my thoughts?? Go on, bol dal  .. tell us everything!!’

And I continued –

“So, that makes it just about 1 kilo or less gained every year, consistently. That roughly translates to about 8000 calories worth of fat stored over 365 days. And that comes down to something like 20-22 excess calories per day! That is how much it takes to pile on those 20 kilos over 20 years … and not ever notice it.”

Now, my dear reader, we can do two things with any information. This is what I said to that group and I’ll share it with you too – “we can allow it to empower us and guide our actions. Or we can choose to feel offended and think ‘oh this damn Girija .. always spoiling my fun!’ Whatever you do, know that it is a choice. My intention for sharing was to empower you.

Do you have any questions for me on what I shared?

Waiting to hear from you 🙂
g

Wise Counsel I Got Today

“You must be far more concerned about your current approach than about your current result”

I have a mentor .. someone who gives me precious feedback on biz and personal things. And this is what they had to say to me today.

The context was to say how everyday efforts come off as almost meaningless and too trivial. And because of that, I’ve been under the wrong impression that it won’t matter so much. What hell will break loose if I skip my salad just for a day? kinda thinking. Like you may have also, many times. Right?

That is, until they gave me this feedback. The way they said it, the situation .. I don’t know what it was. But it got me today!

We all tend to worry way more about results than about our approach to things generally .. that’s why I shared that wisdom with you, my lovely reader.

I’ll keep this email v v short – have a fun recipe for you here and here.

I’ve a recipe for a sweet variation just for you, my lovely reader of this blog post. Here’s what I did – took a 1/2 cup of boiled chickpeas, 4 soaked dates, 1 tablespoon of cocoa powder – processed it in the food processor. It made for a delightful chocolate hummus, which I used as a sweet filling in the roll.

Hope you’ll try making this!

Love,
g

 

 

Another Recipe .. This Time A Sweet One!

Last couple of weeks have seen me hosting guests at home, somewhat more than usual. I really enjoy connecting with the people, listening to the stories of their lives and showing them around. And of course,  cooking and sharing food with them.

But you know what, things could have slipped out of control had we eaten out that many times with each guest. Restaurants only care to keep us craving for their food. And so, they make it really stimulating! Oozing with grease and dripping with sugar.

And I made a lovely kheer using the humble sweet potato – and no grease or sugar! Just one failing in all this – I’ve no pictures to show you my dear reader, except for one very blah one! So, am not showing it. Because, I was running around and serving my guests it did not occur to me until it was all over.

This kheer recipe involves 3-4 steps and as many ingredients too.  So here we go!

Ingredients:

a. Sweet potatoes:  2-3  – I used orange ones one time and used purple ones two other times.

b. Fruit to sweeten your kheer – I used banana with the orange sweet potato, and used dates with the purple ones. You may use any dry fruit of your choice, like raisins or figs. But be sure to soak them in water to soften them. Also, know that dry fruit are more caloric than if you used fresh fruit like banana or apple or mango. The quantity of fruit depends on how sweet you want your kheer.

c. Nut milk to blend and adjust the consistency.

d. Spices to elevate the taste. I used saffron and cardamom in the orange sweet potato kheer. And used just cardamom with the purple ones.

Procedure:

1. Take sweet potatoes, wash well and make a few nicks using a knife.
2. Place them in a baking tray and bake them in the oven at 350 F for about 30 – 45 mins until soft.
3. Peel the skin and process it in a food processor along with fruit of your choice and nut milk, until it reaches a kheer consistency.
4. Serve it chilled or hot, as preferred.

Notes:

Baking or roasting the potatoes caramelizes them and sweeten them further. If you are using the bananas, you may caramelize them too on a non stick pan on the stove.

And! Be sure to nick those potatoes – or they will burst open inside the oven and it can get very messy.

Play around with spices – try others that may appeal to you.

I share this recipe with you to show how very elegant and delectable dishes can be made totally healthy. It’s truly possible to eat tasty food that is great for your body. Hope you’ll make this sometime .. and let me know when you do!

Until next time,
g

Flop Stories. And Lessons Only They Can Teach

My lovely reader,

Week after week, when you read my posts about inner work, beliefs, transcending cravings yeh woh – it may very likely give you a picture of everything being ultra organized smooth sailing perfection on the other side of the weekly email.

Oooh! I wish I could show you my picture as I write this, my friend – an entire day of work that hasn’t gone well, more drafts than I care to admit that just did not feel right and recipe video that I could not edit for the life of me! Am irked and sleepy. And I had nothing to write to you or put on the blog post. I want to hide under the table and not come out ever again!

And! I found it impossible to sleep without writing something to you. What would I say to my coach and mastermind group – that I chickened out?? I’d rather own it to you! So, sit down – let’s chat 🙂

This is the ugly underbelly of commitment, my dear reader . It stretches you, and it clobbers you to doing what you’ve promised. Even when no one is seeing, that person inside is always looking!

Whether it’s writing a blog post or eating vegetables at every meal, commitment to doing it consistently – against all odds, no matter what – can and does feel like it totally sucks the energy out of you.

It is normal for one to sometimes wonder what the hell am I putting myself through. The trick however is to feel that and yet do what needs to be done. You gotta own the suck-y feeling and do the best you can. It doesn’t have to be perfect. But it better be earnest!

The messiness of life is universal, my lovely reader. So, that’s no excuse. And like my coach says, we gotta decide which one we’ll keep – excuses? Or results? Because, there’s room for just one of them!

Lots of love until next time!
g

A Habit That Keeps You From Reaching Your Goals

I’m going to share a little story about myself – all real – to illustrate a point about eating healthy and dieting. More precisely, it’s about one of the top three reasons why women fail to realize their healthy eating and weight loss goals. So, here we go –

For the last three or so years, I’ve gotten curious about botanical fragrances. This interest has taken me to places where I could meet with people that distill essential oils as a hobby, people that blend heavenly perfumes out of foraged plant material, smell essential oils at flower shows and other plant-centered events. It brings me great joy to connect with folks that are primarily into caring for the plants and our earth.

One thing led to another and I was now dabbling with blending my own botanical perfumes for fun, as a hobby. And recently, I found myself wanting to study more with a seasoned fragrance artist (look up Roxanna Villa if it interests you) and take courses. If you know anything about essential oils, they are precious precious plant offerings – which is reflected in their prices. It is not anything that one can simply goof away with! And therefore, I was bogged down with ‘why am I wanting to study this out of blue?? who am I to become some fragrance artist?’

This is exactly the kind of self-doubt that stops so so many women from working on themselves. And I wanted you to know and seefrom my own example – that it happens with every single one of us! What’s worse, these self-deceiving thoughts that hold us back from doing things we’re so meant to do, sound perfectly legit and reasonable. And when done often enough, they become a habit!

Here are some statements that I get to hear from my people all the time –

“Girija, I need to start watching what I eat. I’ve fallen off the track too bad! But things at work are terribly busy for the next 3 months. Am drowning in my project related work”

“G, I’ve been meaning to call you and set an appointment. My aged in-laws are visiting and can’t tell you how occupied I’ve become! And it’s not even like they’re bedridden or anything. But people, visitors .. oh dear, am full!”

“I can’t do such strict things around food ya Girija. Others may do it fine, but I can’t make time for all the effort it takes to eat salads.”

This time I had to navigate my own self out of a similar self-defeating mess. Trust me, it took a while to recognize that about my own thoughts – like I was saying earlier, the thoughts were totally rational. But it all magically cleared up when I asked myself how I’d handle it if one of my clients or friends were in a situation like mine.

Taking the course with my fragrance artist teacher would give me the clarity as to what I’d do with that knowledge and experience .. and not the other way around. It’s always taking action that gives you direction and clarity.

Within minutes after this dawned on me, plans were made and class seat, hotel room and tickets were all booked. I still felt somewhat shaky and anxious but deep in my heart it just felt like I had done the right thing for me.

Whether it is eating healthy, getting back on track with something or taking that class – merely thinking about it and waiting for a feeling of readiness to fall from skies, doesn’t advance you at all – it will only keep you spinning wheels in the mud.

And now that am back from taking the class, I can’t explain how good it all feels. I don’t yet know what am going to do with it all yet but am so relieved to have just done it! In listening to my story, I hope you’re encouraged to take stock and see if there are any banish self-doubting thoughts lingering in there and take action too 🙂

 

 

 

If You Can Hold A-n-y Belief, Why Hold A Useless One??

“Money is the root of all evil!”

“Men don’t find slender women attractive!”

“True love comes only to a lucky few!”

“Only women with zero ambition choose to stay home!”

“Coaching is for lazy people who can’t figure things out on their own!”

“Who the hell goes to a class to learn how to eat? Or how to breathe?!”

There! I’ve shared half a dozen examples of useless beliefs. And I’ve so many more that are tumbling out from my memory. These are very real examples of limiting and useless beliefs that I’ve seen people carry – like they’re absolutely legit. They felt like it was only a dimwit who’d question it.

When does a belief become useless, you may be wondering. Any unexamined belief especially the ones that stand in the way of what you want for yourself is likely a useless belief. If you’re someone that desires to accumulate some money, with a belief such as ‘money is the root of all evil’ you will not be able to hold on to any money for a long enough time – whether you’ve slogged for it or it was generously given to you. So, the belief is a useless one for you to carry, as it is blocking the very thing you desire to have.

Women do the eye roll and give me duh kinda response, when I say this. I know I’ve done the exact same thing with my mentors! But these beliefs aren’t very visible unless you look for them. You’ll get a hint of their being active if only you tune in to the things you speak, and the words you use. And of course, the results you currently have are a dead giveaway.

Think of it, for instance if you ardently believed that that there’s no point trying to lose weight – as you’re going to be chubby anyway since everybody in the family is plus size too – why would your intelligent brain let you waste your precious time and and energy over learning to shed it?? The towering belief that ‘I am just like others in my family’ will lead you to implicitly be and do everything the way your family has always done – cook a certain way, eat in a particular manner and so on. And sadly, you’d have failed at something without even trying.

I’ll leave you with what Dr.Bruce Lipton has said on this topic –  “human beings have a great capacity for sticking to false beliefs with great passion and tenacity .. people need to realize that their thoughts are more primary than their genes, because the environment, which is influenced by our thoughts* controls the genes”

I have a very tough ask of you … ask yourself what thoughts are you stubbornly holding on to and get curious about them. Just tease yourself and ask ‘what if this isn’t true’ and come up with a contrasting argument for your own original argument. Since you’re doing it in the absolute privacy of your mind (or a journal, utmost) you don’t have to worry about losing face – it’s going to be safe. Oh why, it may even save you a ton of pain, who knows!

* A belief is only a thought that you think often.

Keyboard Shortcut Equivalent For Your Brain – When They’re Great And When They Aren’t!

Today, I’d like to draw your attention to another thing that we all do when it comes to our beliefs. No matter what you believe, you can find evidence to prove that _your_ belief is the right one!

This may feel crazy to you, but your brain has this reflexive mechanism built into it such that it is constantly looking out for evidence to make your existing beliefs feel right.

Now, I don’t want to paint a horrible picture of what is one of the most useful features of human brain. This reflexive mechanism I just discussed or cognitive biases as they’re also called, are like keyboard shortcuts on our computers. They simplify routine learning and perception.

But you must guard against these processes becoming your default mechanisms! As if you’re staying loyal to prior belief systems and thoughts just so your brain doesn’t have to “waste energy” looking for new ones – this is self-destructive. And self-deceptive.

Self-deception by way of unexamined faulty thinking is no different than any other buffer that you may be resorting to – food, work, busyness and what have you – to avoid addressing the real issues in plain sight.

Remember, that’s what we discussed last week – your brain has this exact tendency.
See how Warren Buffet nails it when he says this –

“What the human being is best at doing is interpreting all new information so that their prior conclusions remain intact.”

As if this weren’t enough already, your brain has an affinity to any belief that feeds its pleasure seeking and pain avoiding tendencies. And you know what, more often than not you are clueless about any of these tendencies that are always in operation!

By the way, thank you if you’re one of those that wrote in, about your beliefs. I’d like for you to first reflect and then share with me – what steps would you take to avoid default thinking?

Coffee, Movies And More

Hey lovely reader, I want to ask you something.

Raise your hand if you identify yourself as a coffee lover. Like, would it ring true if you said ‘my name is {fill your name}, and I am a lover of all things coffee!’?

When women share this about themselves I usually laugh and say how they remind me of Rambo! Remember his line .. ​​​​​​Rambo is my name, killing is my game?! This sounds kinda like that 🙂
Let’s discuss beliefs this month and see what there’s to learn about them. First of all, what’s a belief you may be wondering. It is just a thought we think a lot. Most frequently-thought thoughts become a belief. So, if you keep thinking a thought like – ‘aha ha! this wonderful aromatic coffee! what would I do without it’ – soon it becomes a belief such as ‘I can’t function without coffee’ or ‘life is not worth it if my days don’t start with a steaming hot cup of filter coffee’
So, here’s the first thing I want to share when it comes to beliefs. Our brain is a big believer of conserving energy. Like, it doesn’t believe in thinking some new thought because it sees it as wasting energy. So, what does it do? It keeps recycling thoughts over and over and over again.
I want you to reflect upon this a little bit. And I’d love it if you head over to comments section and share some of your favorite beliefs – could be about coffee, could be about movies! Or even your belief about beliefs.
I’m eager to read your comments 🙂
g

3 steps to make friends with your warring parts

Read this part first: 1. If your name happens to be used in the post below to name a not-so-good character, do not please let that trouble you. I love everyone of these names and I love my friends who are wonderful bearers of these names. This is not specific to any person known or unknown to me. 2. Wherever you see “(fill in your name)” picture yourself in that context and read it as though the part is speaking of you. 

When your internal warring parts are going BAKBAKBAKBAK without allowing for your loving center to wedge in, that’s when you’d hear “a  part of me doesn’t do even the things I know I want to do” – this is where we had paused.

Today, I’ll share 3 most effective steps to take towards getting your parts to become friends with you again.

But first come in and see if you recognize some of your parts –
Well, hey there sweetie! My name PriyaSugar. I’m  (fill your name)’s favorite, most used part. Know why? I say the sweetest things, darling. I love being loved and my expertise is in saying yes, saying sorry no matter what, keeping people happy, and making sure that  (fill your name) is in everybody’s good books. I’ve taught her that life is lovely when she’s smiling 24 x 7. I’m the reason, she eats whatever friends offer her! My fav friend here is PyariSamajhdaari.
Hi, I am LakshmiMoney – I’m (fill your name)’s part who will speak when it feels like she gets way too bindaas about money. My interest and specialty is her financial well-being. I sound kinda nasty – that’s why she often tunes me out – but am very smart and good at heart. When she ignores me, I’ve learned to poke my neighbor to yell on my behalf, lol! I was the one that protected her from buying stupid things and lending money recklessly.
I’m LakshmiMoney’s neighbor, Gussa. She’s the only one besides PyariSamajhdaari, that I get along with – rest are all effing losers! You must know this – I am the most active part around here – ‘cos am always hissing and cussing!! I like systems and I like things going well. And when they don’t, I call her names! I get close to her ear and say mean things all the time – all with a hope that she may ask me why! But (fill your name) has NOT ONCE figured out that, that’s all I ask of her.
Hi, am PayalGhaayal. Thanks to PriyaSugar and few others here, I am the most injured, most hurt, most teary-eyed, sad part here. Gussa protects me, she doesn’t like it when I cry. And when  PyariSamajhdaari is on duty she lovingly cares for me. I dunno why, but (fill your name) has elected PriyaSugar and ShellyBully to boss over us all! PriyaSugar is toxic, Bully is mean.
My dear (fill your name), a big hug to you before we go any further. As you may have realized, your parts want you to listen to them more. They like *you* giving them attention more than them getting attention from each other. They want and like to be led by you. And, there are many more parts, I just interviewed with only a few of them here.
Whenever you sense that one of your parts are not listening, it means that you need to listen to them first. Therefore #1 step for you to take is, to say – “hmm .. tell me more!” So, learn to get curious with yourself and your parts everyday – don’t let them go bonkers at all. And your parts feel very heard when you write down whatever you hear them saying.
The #2 step you’ve got to take is this – make PyariSamajhdaari the boss of all parts. She’s clearly the best representation of you and every part looks up to her and likes her. And after all, she is Pyari and Samajhdaari all at once, isn’t it! She doesn’t make anybody wrong for how they are, she’s accepting of each one of them exactly for how they are. And that is a huge asset.
#3rd step is very big my friend – you must treat PyariSamajhdaari with a great reverence. Like if you think of yourself as the leading lady of your magnum opus – she’s your director. Hers must be the voice that you act upon. Not PriyaSugar’s, not Gussa’s and not PayalGhaayal’s. You must not put any of these parts in the decision making position in your internal office – after all they report to Pyari and it’s insulting if you ignored her!
Now may I say something, (fill your name)? Insights without action are NO good!  Please go and get yourself a notebook and pencil. Switch off every any possible distraction, and speak with your parts. And like a good girl, take down notes as they speak to you.
Love,
g