“I know am supposed to eat veggies. I even know that *I want* to do it – and I’ve always felt great whenever I’ve gotten into the habit of it for weeks on end. But then, I go into these phases when I become indifferent and bored and disinterested – for no good reason, and get myself out of habit. I can’t tell you just how frustrated I feel!”
My dear friend, if you’ve ever felt anything like this before, here’s a virtual hi-5! This is not just with eating vegetables and eating healthy, it can happen with anything!
I can remember feeling bored while writing an exam – let me just scribble something and be done with it, kinda feeling. I’ve had women tell me they just how bored they feel about dressing up – even when they have a closet full of beautiful sarees they have lovingly picked up, but they find themselves wearing same set of 4-5 sarees for no good reason. A lady recently shared with me how she has it in her to prep well for an exam she’s taking towards earning a promotion at work. But she finds herself so indifferent to her ambition and she observes herself wasting time commenting “lol” and “omg” on random facebook posts.
Let me share with you all that I’ve learnt from working on my own stuff and from listening to my own coaches about these situations. You want bad news first or good news?? Let me get the “bad news” out of the way first – this kinda situation never really goes away completely. It is a life long thing, only that, what kinda stuff you’re indifferent to keeps changing, that’s all!
And the good news is that, it is figureoutable. I’ll explain to you one of the most effectively used models in therapy to deal with a situation like this. All of us have multiple “parts” living inside of us that take responsibility for different roles. There’s a coach part, doer part, protector part and so on. Central to all these parts is what some people refer to as “the loving center”. It is the most sensible, loving, caring part of you that is also the best manager of all the parts. When this part is leading the other parts, you feel like you’re in flow – it is the best feeling of when you are functioning at your highest potential.
But sometimes, the doer part and the coach part get in logger heads with each other! Your loving center sees this going on, tries to intervene but fails to wedge in and sort things out. But the warring parts can be very loud and the loving center feels defeated. That’s when it will complain to you, saying that exact sentence you often come and share with me – “a part of me doesn’t do even the things I know I want to do”.
There’s more to say on this but I’ll pause here for a reason today and continue next week.
But now, please hit reply and tell me – if it were your situation, how would you get the warring parts to quiet down so that you can wedge in and establish order?