Would it surprise you if I said, that most one on one consultations with me as a dietitian start off with ‘oh Girija, I’m not feeling good about myself in a while now’?
And they go on, ‘I don’t know why but I just don’t even feel like looking at myself anymore.’
At this point, I will considerately encourage them with ‘tell me more.’ And we both begin to see how there is an inevitable dip in the way they’re valuing themselves.
Given how it is the day before Valentine’s day that you and I are having this conversation, it’s good to remind ourselves that the first love relationship that needs to consummate is the one we each have with our selves.
In all this, the first thing to remember is that love is a verb.
How we value ourselves is indeed a powerful thing that keeps changing, reflecting our actions of what we are doing to value ourselves. We can tell tall stories about wanting this and desiring that, but unless we do something about it, it doesn’t count to anything.
And my friend, we all fall into the knowing-doing gap from time to time. Meaning, we don’t do the things that we know to be good for us! This includes me too 🙋♀️
When this happens long enough with a particular area of our life, we lose our sense of pride. We don’t like ourselves for how we are behaving. This shows up as ‘I don’t feel good about myself.’
For all such times, I have these precious words of guidance from one of the best psychologists I’ve read in all my life. And I’d like to share it with you. Think of this as my Valentine’s Day gift to you, dear reader.
Here we go –
“Any time you admit a difficult truth, any time you face that which you have been afraid to face, any time you acknowledge, to yourself or to others, facts you have been evading, any time you are willing to tolerate temporary fear or anxiety on the path to better contact with reality – your self-esteem increases. When you persist in your evasions and contradictions, you undermine your self-esteem, because, at a deeper level, you know what you are doing.” Dr. Nathaniel Branden
These words speak to my very soul, dear reader. And it always gets me back on track. I hope you reflect along these lines and see what comes up for you.
Wishing you the best always,