D is one of the most animated people I’ve spoken with! She’s fun, witty, and was an antyakshari winner at her club. And besides 100 s of things she does, she likes to make wish lists in her head. Hundreds of them! She can’t remember or keep track.
D: Hi G, can you write me a diet chart? I have a long wish list and have a terrible memory. Bad combo!
G: Really?! Tell me more about your list.
D: Matlab, the list is in my head. I don’t have a list – list. I want to learn to cook nicely. I want to wear beautiful clothes – matlab, western and ghagra cholis and all that – my cousin is getting married, it is a huge event, okay! It’s like a double dhamaka – valentine’s day destination wedding, and we’re all excited. Then, I’ll be taking cooking classes when we go to Kolkata. My s-i-l went to the same classes, and she’s a fantastic cook now.
G: So, how does the diet chart help you with any of this, D?
D: See, I need to lose weight to look good in western. And then the ghagra choli also, I can’t wear. I am embarrassed! And if you write some simple things I can eat, I’ll be able to manage okay. By the end of March, I’ll be trained to make at least 15-20 varieties of delightful dishes, Indian and western desserts, both I’ll be learning. With all this, I’m in charge of all the songs and dances for the wedding, too!
G: My dear D, you reminded me of that Kajol and Shah Rukh movie ka sangeet scene. Kahi pe nigahen kahi pe nishana! It’s like going to the airport to catch your Duronto Express.
We often have enough wishes for the next three years. And that too, all in our head! Nothing on paper. And because it is all so nebulous, nothing ever gets seen and because there’s nowhere to see how it is overflowing – more are continuously piled into the “list.” And often randomly! How would you accommodate a goal for eating healthy and a goal for becoming a master halwai, without one canceling the effect of the other?
Is your “list” in the head in screaming conflict with the activities you choose to do? Like these – all examples of kahi pe nigahen kahi pe nishana?
No unnecessary spending, and you would have gone visiting the Grand Shopping Festival.
Not eating sweets for three months, and you watch Desserts Show on Netflix every evening.
Must wear my own wedding sarees to functions. You pick up a designer ghagra at a “deal price.”
Let me make it easy for you!
Please write down what goals you have for yourself. At the time of taking action, get in the habit of checking if all your efforts are in alignment with your goals.
If your goal is to eat vegetables for breakfast, don’t stock up on breakfast cereal.
If you want to eat no sugar, stop trying out the dessert recipe videos, your friend puts on her youtube channel.
If you intend to order a soup and salad only, don’t read through that damn menu card at the restaurant.
Some of my clients are quick to intervene and say, no G I only saw the cake video. That’s all!
Arre yaar, every unwanted saree purchase also started with seeing the pictures and asking a harmless “pp” only, no!
Stay on the alert to see if you’re sticking out temptation traps for your self and undoing your efforts mindlessly.
And for those of you wanting to take it to the next level, here’s a little homework for you: grab a notebook and pencil, set the timer for 30 minutes, and turn off every distraction. Now answer the question – how do you identify yourself. What are your top 5 values? If you need any guidance to go deeper, I have a pdf here that you may download. Many of us start the answer with our roles – I am a mother, a daughter, sister, CEO, and so on. These I just mentioned, they sit well with each other overall, though there may be transient periods of conflict.
But, if you identify yourself like so,
baker of cakes
maker of sweets
drinker of drinks
eater of desserts
try-er of every new restaurant in town
an everyday cook of exotic recipes out of a vast library of cookbooks and cooking courses –
then, without a doubt working on your identity is the best starting point of getting past the kahi pe nigahen kahi pe nishana muddle. So, get curious.
What tags do you have for how you identify yourself?
What are your values?